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- Best Relationship Advice "Stay" Lisa Loeb, 1994
Best Relationship Advice "Stay" Lisa Loeb, 1994
For those who can abandon selfish drama and properly love
LaDena Kailing Garr
February 19, 2025
Fun fact, find the answer at the bottom of this email.
“Stay” is the first number one song on the Billboard Hot 100 released by an artist who was not yet signed to a record label. What famous person helped Lisa get her break?
Feel-Good Relationship Advice from the Greatest Love Songs!
Lovers in love and the other’s run away, lover is crying ‘cause the other won’t stay
For those who can abandon selfish drama and properly love
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Read time: 5 minutes
Lyrics
You say I only hear what I want to
You say I talk so all the time, so
And I thought what I felt was simple
And I thought that I don't belong
And now that I am leaving
Now I know that I did something wrong
'Cause I missed you
Yeah, yeah, I missed you
This song captures the culture of the early 90s. According to Jim Beviglia of American Songwriter, “Loeb’s lyrics definitely capture the breathless way of expressing oneself that was common at the time. Considering all of the lines that start with ‘And’ the song can seem like one big run-on sentence. Yet in the mist of all the breathlessness, she focuses enough to spin out several couplets that really nail the topsy-turvy feeling that romantic mind games can play on you.”
In the end… we only regret the chances we didn’t take, and the decisions we waited too long to make.
-Lewis Carroll
Lyrics
And you say I only hear what I want to
I don't listen hard
Don't pay attention to the distance that you're running
To anyone, anywhere
I don't understand if you really care
I'm only hearing negative, no no no (bad)
And so I, I turned the radio on I turned the radio up
And this woman was singing my song
Lover's in love and the other's run away
Lover is crying 'cause the other won't stay
Some of us hover when we weep for the other
Who was dying since the day they were born
Well, well this is not that
I think that I'm throwing but I'm thrown
According to Rhik Samadder, Loeb's guitar picks out a simple arpeggio as she admonishes: "You say I only hear what I want to," warning us that this may be the most self-involved song ever written. Almost every line contains a clutch of first person singulars: "I turn the radio on, I turn the radio up, and this woman was singing my song."Based on the song's theme, the break-up song is not about a relationship with a departed lover, but the relationship with ourselves About accepting that our basic loneliness is unsophisticated and shared, and that we have to abandon the selfish dramas of our malaise to properly love. It's a point of emotional development.
Regarding the lyrical content, Loeb's explained; "I turn the radio on, I turn the radio up, and this woman was singing my song," Lisa explained: "That was when you hear somebody telling your exact story. It's funny, because it wasn't until later, after a couple of major breakups, that I realized when you're depressed and you're going through these breakups, the breakup was supposed to happen. If you're going through difficult times, it's hilarious how you turn on the radio and even the most cliché things perfectly capture how you're feeling. And then you realize why people wrote those songs."
Regret is the experience of feeling disappointed, embarrassed, ashamed, sad, or remorse over something that happened in the past. From a psychological perspective, regret involves two main components:
1. The imagined idea that there could’ve been a different outcome
2. The belief that you could have affected the outcome if you had behaved differently
Lyrics
You said you caught me 'cause you want me
And one day you'd let me go
You try to give away a keeper
But keep me 'cause you know
You're just so scared to lose
And you say, stay
And you say I only hear what I want to
Ooooh, I love any song or poem that starts and ends with the same line. This is the full-circle moment.
Breakup songs are love songs. We are vulnerable and we experience personal growth. I’ve only had two breakups that left me in tears, but because of those experiences I can sing along to this song, embracing every line of lyrics, and I can do it heartfelt at the top of my lungs, embracing my humanness. I mean, why not? This is a powerful song.
The naked truth is that you can always change your life through your choices. Sometimes in a relationship we make choices that leave us feeling worse—we may have even known it at the time, but didn’t get help or take steps to help ourselves shift. So, strive to live each day as honestly as you can making the best choices with the information you have. Over time, that’s the mechanism through which we can create the most fulfilling life possible! Breakups can also lead to tremendous growth and healthy personal development.
It’s a rare, conscious person who takes responsibility for their life. That person says ‘I’m going to put the time into analyzing this and always be striving for a more intelligent way to live.’ I hope to be that kind of person. I’m seeking for times when I’m peaceful and surrounded by goodness, as well as when I am completely broken.
Life is real.
Life is messy.
Yet, life is a glorious experience!
Think about this…
After a breakup did you take quality time to process the experience and the lessons it taught you?
Did you offer the other person conversation, kindness and closure?
Key Take Aways
Regret is a heavy burden to bare, be gentle with yourself
We can appreciate breakups for helping us be guided to the person we will eventually partner with
Life is real, messy and glorious
Fun Fact Trivia:
“Stay” is the first number one song on the Billboard Hot 100 chart to be released by an artist who was not yet signed to a record label. What famous person helped Lisa get her break?
Lisa Loeb was discovered by actor and friend Ethan Hawke, who lived in an apartment across the street from her in New York City. She met Hawke through mutual friends in the NYC theatre community. Loeb had been performing "Stay" to positive response at her shows, and Hawke gave a tape of Loeb's song to director Ben Stiller during the making of the film Reality Bites. Stiller subsequently agreed to use the song in the film and on the film's soundtrack.
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~LaDena
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